As I thought on this today I wondered why this story has been told so many times, made into movies and plays and so thoroughly infused into societies all around the world. Is there some coded message in the tale? Maybe some secret governments plot to take over all relationships?!
I thus have decided since I have learned many great things from one of the books I am currently studying called “The Power Of Words – Unlock Your Ability To Learn And Do Anything” by Reverand Alfreddie Johnson and Minister Tony Muhammad with Sean Clouden, that it does my studies good when I “clear” words that I am not completely sure of the meaning. So I have decided to clear the following words: Damsel, Distress, Prince, Charming, Happily, Ever and After in hopes that we can all gain a deeper understanding of what might be hidden in these tales about male / female relationships.
Damsel: 1. A young unmarried lady or woman (now used by poets).
“I saw the fair damsel as I dithered off to school.”
“As the damsel awaited my proposal she felt her heart flutter.”
In: 1. Of position or location. 5. Defining the particular part of anything in which it is affected.
“I was stuck in class today.”
“My keys were in my pocket the entire time.”
Distress: verb 1.To subject to severe strain or pressure; now exp. To afflict or exhaust.
“I was in distress over the pop quiz the teacher gave us.”
“The radiator was under extreme distress due to the thermostat being broken.”
So it can be safely said from the definitions given that a “Damsel In Distress” is: An unmarried woman affected by severe strain, pressure or exhaustion. Many women exclaim that they are “tired of being alone…” and many ask “where are all the “good men at…”. These women are clearly exhausted and under the pressure of being unmarried and alone.
Now since we are here lets define a few extra words:
Married: ppl. a. (is the participial adjective of the verb Marry) 1. United in wedlock.
Marry: verb 1. To join in wedlock; to constitute as a man and wife according to the laws and customs of a nation.
Now let us examine the word Prince.
Prince: 3. One who or that which is first or pre-eminent in a specified class or sphere; the chief, the greatest.
“The young man was a prince among all the men in his neighborhood when it came to academics.
Charming: (the verbal substantive of the verb) Charm: (used figuratively) 2. That which fascinates or attracts, exciting love and admiration.
So if a man is called a “Prince Charming” then he could be considered: One who is pre-eminent and the greatest in his ability to attract exciting love and admiration.
Happily: (adverb) 2. With or by good fortune; luckily, successfully.
Happy: 2. Having good hap or fortune; lucky, fortunate; favored by circumstance.
Hap: (archaic) 1. Chance or fortune (good or bad); luck, lot.
“With zeal he happily picked up his new found fortune.”
“She was happy that the teacher chose her to receive the prize.”
Ever: (adverb) 1. Always, at all times; in all cases.
“Allah (God) lives ever more.”
“Diamonds will ever be considered “bling” in the community.”
After: (prep) 2: Following in time, in succession to; after the interval of; subsequent to and later than; subsequent to and in consequence of.
So let me wrap this up and try to keep it to just two pages by saying this:
The next time there is an unmarried woman in distress, afflicted by loneliness and the lack of a husband, she just might be looking for a first class man that fascinates her and attracts her love and admiration and when these two join together they can be favored to live successfully at all times as a consequence of them meeting one another.
Many “walk-the-walk” but statistics show that nearly 50% that are walking in marriage don’t actually know how to “talk-the-talk”.
I recently purchased the New York Times Bestseller book entitled: “The Five Love Languages – How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman. This purchase came as the result of several conversations I recently had with a very dear friend of mine who mentioned the book.
After reading the book from the front cover to the back cover I must say that I know why it is on the “Bestsellers List”. The book is not only well written but it is practical. The “fly on the wall” method of communicating the “Love Languages” that Mr. Chapman uses though storytelling of real situations and conversations helps the reader to understand the concepts presented in a manner that is easy to digest.
Mr. Chapman opens the book with 3 “foundational” chapters such as:
1 – What Happens to Love After the Wedding?
2 – Keeping the Love Tank Full
3 – Falling in Love.
These chapters help to set the stage for the actual “Love Languages”. I especially enjoyed Chapter 3 in which Chapman dissects and dispels the common misconception found during the “In Love” experience which psychologists M. Scott Peck and Dorothy Tennov calls “limerance” which could be defined as highly advanced stages of infatuation.
This book is a must read for everyone no matter if you are married or single. For the married even if you feel that your relationship with your spouse is “great” and that you “get along fine”, there is so much more we can learn from this book that might help in zeroing in on your spouse’s specific love language and better help us to identify and communicate our own love language as well. Now for the single person, using this book as a companion to other books on relationships and personal development will help to give you a good foundation and head start in any future relationships. I would recommend having any potential mates read the book as well and you both use the book as a basis to build better communications going forward.
Anyone with a sincere heart and a willingness to see another person happy with their “Love Tank” filled to the brim and running over would be wise to get this book today, read it, study it and immediately apply the principles found within after identifying the language of your spouse and yourself.
The Languages are:
1. Words Of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts Of Service
5. Physical Touch
Once you are done reading the book there is a “Love Language Profile” test you can take to determine your language (one for men and one for women). And while some of the questions do assume that the reader is already married, if you are honest and single you will get true results.
So you ask: “Rodney what is your Love Language?” Well I was brutally honest in my responses and survey says (DING!) Quality Time and Physical Touch.
So at least now I have something else of substance I can talk about with any potential mates regarding those things that will definitely help to keep my “Love Tank” full, full, full as a matter of fact if she can keep that coming along with honesty, self improvement and spiritual studies I can tell you that my “Cup Will Runneth OVER!” and that’s the truth.
So go ahead and get the book now and get busy learning a new language…it might just change your love life.
The Heart of the Five Love Languages
Over the last 40 plus years I have had many experiences all of which assisted me in forming the beliefs, opinions and prejudices I have. These experiences have also assisted me in crafting my understanding of the words FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP.
The Oxford Universal Dictionary defines FRIEND as coming from the Old Teutonic word frijojan meaning to love or ‘One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy’. And FRIENDSHIP is defined as: The state of being a friend; association of persons as friends; a friendly intimacy.
I have come to realize that the vast majority of the people in my life are not actually my friends but are simply associates, acquaintances or just simply needy people. Many years ago one experience in particular helped me to understand something about friends and friendship in general. I had known the person on the other end of this learning experience for about 6 or 7 years at the time and I considered them a friend. Over the years we talked, ate, traveled, struggled and worked together with very minimal challenges. I would even occasionally take this persons car to get it washed and even buy them a meal when buying my own meal on those days we would be working with our team late into the evenings because I thought that is what friends were for.
Well I will spare you all of the minute details of the situation that occurred and tell you that it ultimately resulted in this person manipulating a situation to get money from me. During the “mediation” or more like “negotiations” because I was unwilling to just “pay up” the conversations became very intense and from my perspective I felt that the way this person was seeking to get money from me had not only crossed the line (because I was present when another plan to get money was being hatched) but was a violation of what I thought friends do, besides after all of the rides to work I had given this person, free computer assistance, car washes and meals purchased this is how you treat me? In this meeting I began to make it clear that I was unwilling to budge just on the principle of how friends should treat one another and then the “mediator” asked me a very powerful and thought provoking question…he said: “Rodney so are you telling me that you wouldn’t do the same to him?” and I replied “no sir!” and then the “mediator” said: “Well just because that’s the kind of brother [friend] you are, does not mean that’s how someone else has to be .” Simply POWERFUL! That statement or better yet wisdom immediately caught my attention and I had to submit. He was right! Just because my way of being a “friend” or my understanding of how “friends” treat and respond to one another is absolutely that…my way and no one else is compelled to accept or adopt my way. But was this love? Was this “One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy”? I would say not.
That situation not only helped to change my understanding of what a “friend” is it also assisted me in reevaluating the people in my life as well as the role they play. Most of these people have been downgraded to associates, some I no longer have a relationship with and a very small group I would even consider a “friend”.
John 15:12-13 “This is my commandment, That you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
If we are unable to lay down, pride, ego, envy, distrust, malice, hatred of self, fear and all other disempowered behavior and attitudes how can we be called a “friend” and say that we are willing to lay down our lives?
“Friends” do not intentionally deceive or bring harm to another. “Friends” do not manipulate and control one another. “Friends” do not call only when they “need your help” nor do they “just check in on you “when something is wrong in their life and they want to dump it on you.
Face the facts they are not your “friend” if you are keeping them around then they are most likely your “crutch”, “feel better about yourself person” or “abuser”. And if you cannot or are unwilling to change the relationships you have with these kinds of persons (not to mention if you are this person yourself) then the chaos in your life will continue as it has for as long as you have known this person or persons.
You see, two people joined together in mutual benevolence and intimacy is what friends are for!
Now go use somebody else and let me be…I need to make room in my life for “Friends”.
What about you?
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Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The dictionary defines cleave as a verb:
1. to adhere closely, stick; cling.
2. to remain faithful; to cleave to one's principles in spite of persecution.
Do most women really want a man to cleave? Really! Are most women ready to respond in a proper manner if and when a man leaves father and mother and adheres closely to and remains faithful to principles in spite of persecution even if the persecution is coming from her? Do women really want a man to cleave?
Are many men ready to cleave? Are they willing to give up even mother and father and grab hold of a principled mission to become one flesh with his woman?
I believe that in order to form a more perfect union of two people they both must be in the businesses of cleaving! Working together, striving together and planning together to accomplish goals and objectives for their family, community and world. If you want to see relationship success...then fellas don't call your boy cleon and ladies don't grab a cleaver...you both need to just cleave a little.
Now go and apologize to your significant other self for trying to be an individual when you know darn well that ain't working for you and you need to take a cleave pill. The only side effects are success, love, joy, accomplishment and unity...and don't forget the nightly cleaving meetings. LOL
No Go and Be ONE!
In the Chapter called The Woman in the Quran it is stated that: "Men are the maintainers of women...as God has caused some to have more responsibility than others..." However what is maintenance and why would she even need maintenance?
The Dictionary defines Mantainers as:
1. To keep in continuance, preserve, retain.
2. To keep in appropriate condition.
3. To sustain or support.
Maintenance! How many males are actually MEN and maintaining the woman? Are you preserving her high state? Do you keep her in appropriate condition. Have you sustained and supported her. One of my mentors Minister Farrakhan said one day that Elijah Muhammad said to him personally that "A man doesn't give a woman a baby and then send her off to work..." Maintenance. If Christ is the Head of the man and man is the head of the woman and family then you would know that by his level of maintenance of said woman.
Now if you have a man that is a maintainer then sisters you have a duty to that kind of man. He does not deserve argument, resistance, nagging, mean spirits or anything unkind...if he is actually a maintainer. You have a duty to that kind of man to help him to meet the goal of maintaining you...keeping you in a high and lofty state. You can have all that your heart desires if you simply realize that when you as a woman can use your womanly power for good to get that man to want to darn near kill himself to provide for you. And you make home such heaven that he would be willing to conquer worlds and nations just for you.
If men are the maintainers of women then women have a duty to respond accordingly to give payment to the Maintenance Man.
Be and it is!