God, Goals and Extra Grit: How I turned tragedy into the triumph by finding EXTRA Grit.

Everyone has grit and this is how I found that extra grit. At the recommendation of my Prep For College Writing instructor, Professor Amanda Murphy, I watched Angela Lee Duckworth's TedTalk presentation on Grit. This video and the assignment connected to it, inspired in me the desire to share something with you about my life. I never thought to call what I had and what I would learn, Grit, but Ms. Duckworth gave a name to something intangible. The one thing you have to understand as we begin is that at 44 years of age, I was fortunate enough to marry the woman of my dreams. After several failed relationship choices, I had arrived at the conclusion that Love was not something the world needed. From being married at 21 to divorced at 26 and back to married again at 29 and that relationship lasting 7 years I knew it was time to do some self-reflection and repair of my love meter. Deep down inside I knew that my thinking was not only false about love, it was erroneous because it took grit to recognize the woman that would prove me wrong. Her name was Tonja and my journey to extra grit had begun. Both of us having been born to and growing up under very unusual family dynamics, and along with strongly faith based home environments we were both taught to not only believe in God, but to also have faith that you can always make it through any challenge.

After meeting Tonja, we started with the challenge of the physical distance between us, which was something we knew we would have to overcome. During our courtship, Tonja and I made plans to move from California to another state. Where you ask? We did not know at the time, however, by the time we were married she was living in San Francisco and I was in Bakersfield. Now if you are unfamiliar with the unique geography of California, those two cities are roughly 280 miles apart. While living in separate cities, there were times when we could not see one another for weeks. It took every ounce of grit we had to not only stick though the “connected loneliness” but I also found that this distance unknown to me at the time, would be like the seeds to the grit I would need in the very near future.

My final challenge and the full manifestation of the extra grit would come very soon. After settling on Phoenix as our home city. I moved first and found a great place in Central Phoenix.

 Two months later, I would drive to San Francisco, load up the moving truck with my new bride and her things and begin the 750-mile journey to Phoenix. It took not only grit to make that drive but also a great deal of gas, yet we made it. Our wedded bliss would only last 9 months. Unexpectedly while I was away on business I received a call that Tonja had gotten sick from something she ate at a Native American Pow-Wow she attended just one day earlier. As I awaited to board an emergency flight back to Phoenix to be by her side in the hospital, I received the call that would allow me to locate grit I did not know I had. The caller on the phone said these words: “I’m sorry she didn’t make it…” As the tears streamed down my eyes and the blood drained from my face, I stood motionless in the Fresno Airport Terminal. I had to summon every grain of grit I had, every ounce of grit I developed in my life and I had to dig deep and locate that EXTRA GRIT sown when I really was not looking. This extra grit would be just what I needed to being the next phase of my journey leading up to my attendance at GlendaleCommunity College. What often looks like loss and despair could be the mining tools we need to locate grit we did not know we had. I was happy being married, doing a job that I loved and living in the home we shared.

Lastly, as we hiked up a Superstition Mountain's "Treasure Loop #56" the week before Tonja passed, she said to me, “Rodney, I want you to do more; I want you to go higher and help more people.” After I made my arguments as to why I didn’t feel I had it in me to do any more than I was already doing, One week later, God and Tonja would assist me in their own special way, by helping me find the grit I didn’t know I had. I must say, Thank You God for blessing me with Tonja.