Going From Not Now to Not Yet to Now Achieved
“Yet” is an adverb that is defined as: ‘up until the present
or a specified or implied time; by now or then. An adverb is a word or phrase
that modifies or qualifies an adjective, verb, or other adverb or a word group,
expressing a relation of place, time, circumstance, manner, cause, degree,
etc. “Not” is an adverb defined as, “used with an auxiliary verb or “be” to
form the negative.” Therefore, “Not Yet” in a simplified form is “the opposite
of now.” There is a Bible verse in Hebrews 11:1 that states, “Now faith is the
substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” This is how I
have gone from “Not Now” to “Not Yet” to “Now Achieved.”
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| Jerry 'D-Rhino' Clark and I |
The first part of my journey begins with a “Not Now”
reality. In the year 1996, I accidentally and on purpose found myself working with
a major litigation support company in their Information Technology department
as a “Systems Support” technician. While I loved the service I performed, the director
of the department informed me, that I had reached the plateau of growth within
the department and no other raises or promotions were possible told the job as
a whole left me unfulfilled and me. As the years went by my desire to improve
myself caused me to seek resources in the form of books and audio programs that
would teach me new concepts and give me new ideas on how to live a fuller life.
This search led me to an old high school friend, Jerry “D-Rhino” Clark that in
December of 2000 was hosting what he called “The Self-Mastery Boot Camp” in
Dallas, Texas. Although I had not seen him in nearly 20 years this “boot camp” would
be the first of many workshops I would attend in my life. I sat and listened
attentively to every presenter that spoke. I took copious notes and seized the
opportunity to ask questions at every turn. One of the presenters by the name
of Artemis Limpert said something that would alter the course of my life when
she shared with those in attendance, “If you can’t go back then you must go
forward. And if you must go forward, failure is not an option. And if failure
is not an option, you will succeed.” That statement caused me to think that
everyone must meet his or her goals in life to be truly happy in life. This
thought caused me to quickly leave my seat and retreat to my hotel room where I
secured the internet domain name www.MeetTheGoal.com.
After the end of the day’s section of learning and development, while on the
way to dinner I said to my friend as we rode to the Olive Garden restaurant, “Jerry
one day I am going to speak at one of your boot camps!” After his laughter subsided
and he reminded me that “we hadn’t seen one another in 20 years” and that “people
pay a lot of money to speak at my boot camps, but hey you never know.” I
quietly sat thinking yes, not now but one day I will. In the video by CarolDweck called “The power of believing that you can improve” she said “…Not Yet,
you understand that you are on a learning curve, it gives you a path into the
future” and this thought serves as the foundation of my story.
The next part of my journey continues with a “Not Yet” moment.
Nearly one year after attending my first boot camp hosted by Jerry, he called
me and asked me would I be willing to speak at his upcoming boot camp and tell
the students about our lives prior to the success level he had reached. After agreeing,
I reminded him of the conversation we had a year earlier in the car ride to
dinner and he said “wow isn’t that fascinating how things work?” After my
presentation at the boot camp, Artemis Limpert
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| Artemis Limpert |
who had at that point become one
of my mentors approached me and said “Rodney you have something,
I don’t know what it is but you have a gift and you should seriously consider
teaching for a living…” I was blown away by her words because my Not Now had
turned into Not Yet because that event was my first time speaking publicly in
my life. It was time now for me to set a goal to become a paid motivational speaker
and trainer. While still working in Information Technology I began giving
unpaid talks to Boys and Girls Clubs, after school programs, graduations and
online interviews in my quest to reach the goal I had set before me. Mrs.
Limpert was right that I “had something” but I just didn’t know how I would
make the transition to full time speaking. One of the programs that I delivered
to Charles R. Drew University Saturday Science Academy was called 7-Steps to Grow a Child of Greatness and after completing the 7-part workshop, I realized
that I also needed a systematic plan to go from local presenter to global speaker.
Was I ready? Not Yet! Did I have a plan? Yes! |
| Mr. Motivator Les Brown and I |
Being a student is the first step to being a teacher. What
was once a Not Now moment, that lead to a Not Yet reality, soon would lead to a
Now Achieved situation. As I continued my journey to increase my abilities as a
speaker, I attended a speakers training workshop hosted by Mr. Les Brown. At
one of the break moments Mr. Brown spoke to me directly and asked me the
following question: “Rodney are you going to die with your gifts in you?” After
replying “no sir!” He then commanded me to “get out of that windowless office,
toiling away for money and go help some people.” He continued, “Someone is
waiting for you to show up. Someone’s entire life is hinging on you, showing
up.” This talk by Mr. Brown ultimately led to me resigning from Information
Technology as a worker and starting my own company teaching others how to use
the technology.
By having what Mrs. Dweck called a “growth mindset” over “a
fixed mindset” allowed me to see a possibility, set a goal to reach and perform
the necessary actions to achieve the goal. Yes Mrs. Dweck I agree that there is
“power” in “believing that” I “can improve.” My desire to overcome what the
director of I.T. said so many years ago that I had reached the “plateau of
growth within the department and no other raises or promotions were possible,”
I knew that if I wanted to go beyond his “fixed mindset” I would need
additional education and up to date skills. Two years ago I set an intention or
goal to “get off the road and go to school for Information Security.” In
January of 2017, I began my first classes toward achieving that goal. As I near
the conclusion of my first semester at Glendale Community College, I can tell
you that setting goals and actively engaging learning that gets you closer to
that goal is a formula that works. As I take the next steps toward what will ultimately
lead to a BS in Information Security from Arizona State University, I am
reminded that it all started with a Not Yet that led to a Not Now that
ultimately leads to a Now Achieved reality…if I just stay the course.
Protect Your Value(ables)
The values that are valuable
vary from person to person and must be protected. Values as a verb is defined as; “consider (someone
or something) to be important or beneficial; have a high opinion of.” And
valuable is defined as; “a thing that is of great worth, especially a small
item of personal property.” In the King James version of the Bible, in Luke
17:20-21 it states: “20 And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the
kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God
cometh not with observation: 21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there!
for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.”
There are three areas that I
value in life and they are interdependent when properly understood. The first
of these values is self-worth. After watching the video presentation by Robert
Waldinger titled “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study onhappiness” I realized that while the research was sound, I do not believe those doing
the study looked deep enough into why some of the participants where “happier”
than others. True happiness comes from within and while “good relationships
keep us happier” as suggested by Mr. Waldinger, those relationships and their
relative goodness is ultimately a personal choice. I have always valued my own
internal happiness and I realized very early in life that anytime I did not
feel happy or fulfilled, it was not my external world that needed changing it
was my internal thoughts. My oldest son when he was a teenager decided to do
some not so good things with his life. And while his choices had an effect on
me as his father due to my love for him, I quickly chose to love myself and own
my internal feelings instead of being influenced by the actions of my son.
Doing this immediately changed my feelings within and while I did love my son,
I chose to love me more, enabling me to love him in spite of his teenager antics. Which
leads to my second value and that of family. My spiritual father Minister Louis
Farrakhan once said “...nothing is more important and sacred than family...” When as an individual you decide to experience
happiness within by the choices you make that feeling of self-joy extends to
those around you. Based on Mr. Waldinger’s video presentation and the studies
done it can be extrapolated that those test subjects that were the happiest
chose to be that way and in spite of the normal challenges of life, the
external world did not alter their internal feelings of happiness. I do agree
with the study in that “good relationships keep us happier and healthier,
period!” In my life I found that when I had mutually beneficial relationships
with others, the quality of my internal happiness was enhanced. Knowing that
there are people directly connected to me that I can rely on and assist
provides what I call a “Relationship Energy Loop” like any good electrical
circuit, the energy flows in a circle giving light, life and power to all
connected. The final area I value is community. “Self-Improvement is the Basis
of Community Development” as the guided study system created by Minister Louis
Farrakhan states. Communities are made of individuals, individuals connected in
homes make up families, and families clustered in close geographic areas
comprise communities. Community is important toward nurturing strong families
and individuals as it provides the broader support system that keeps the
smaller units intact. Having friends that I started with in Preschool, knowing
their families and each parent knowing the parent(s) of those I called my
friends gave me a strong feeling of belonging. Never feeling like I was alone
no matter where
I was in my neighborhood because knowing that I could knock on
a door of my neighbor and get not only guidance as a child but also get food as
well was a definite community bonus. To be invited in to have lunch or dinner
with a family that was not of my immediate family shored up the feelings of belonging.
So being happy within self allows you to work effortlessly within your family
unit and gives you a greater chance at being invited over for lunch within your
community, and who couldn’t see the value in that?
I-Media-tly Get Social or Not
Social media is here and
who cares if you do not like it! Over the last 30-years, the digital landscape
in the world has jumped rapidly. Leaving many behind during the days of DOS and
PASCAL program languages, to dropping others off at the advent of the color
screen and QWERTY keyboard.
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| Matthew Lieberman |
Angel On The Shoulder And The Devil In The Details
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| Popeye Opening Can of Spinach |
Based
on my life experience I have come I believe that the encouragement children
need is inspiration. I recently watched a video on YouTube titled “Ashley Merryman & Po
Bronson: The Myth of Praise” and it brought to mind memories from my own
upbringing. Reared by a single parent, my always-working mother had no time to
sit around and clap for me every time I did something. When I think about it,
she did just the opposite; she expected me to perform at a high level and was
critical of me performing at any level less than optimum. While in preschool, I
enjoyed watching the cartoon ‘Popeye the Sailor Man’ and begged my mother for a
can of spinach so that I could open the can like Popeye did. After receiving
the can, I began to squeeze with all my little might as my mother gleefully
watched. Although I was unable to open the can using brute strength, my mother
handed me a can opener after my fourth attempt. After opening the can with the
can opener, my mother remarked, “see you have it open now” and this was the “right
kind of praise” that strengthened my self-esteem. After watching the video, I read an article “How Not to Talk to Your Kids”
[Po Bronson Published Aug 3, 2007], which led me to do a little research on
some of the key words, used in the article and this statement specifically
caught my attention; “…gifted students severely underestimate their own
abilities. Those afflicted with the lack of perceived competence adopt lower
standards for success and expect less of themselves.” Praise according to
the [The Oxford Universal Dictionary on Historical Principles – With
Corrections and Revised Addenda, 1955] is defined as “The action or fact of
praising; commendation of the worth or excellence of a person or thing; from
the Latin: Preciare, earlier pretiare to price, value, prize.” Praise in my
opinion is the placing of value in oneself and abilities. Another life moment
when I needed to tap into the ‘praise within’ happened while I was learning
Tae-Kwon Do Martial Arts. During testing to receive the next belt rank, there
is a section when the student must spar (fight another student or teacher.) This
is designed to show in actuality the things previously learned. Going into this
sparring match knowing that I had never lost a fight my confidence was high. After
names were drawn, I ended up sparring with one of my school friends that trained
with me daily. During the match, my friend’s right foot caught the side of my
face and knocked me to the ground. As I laid there on the verge of unconsciousness,
my head instructor began yelling to me to “get up,” “get up and keep fighting!”
Here is where I tell you that if you haven’t read my blog on Grit then you definitely deserve to read that now, because I needed grit to get up but
I also needed inspiration to keep fighting. Not only was I fighting my friend,
but I was also fighting against unconsciousness and pain.
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| Homer Simpson in Conflict |
I conclude with this,
some of you reading this might remember older cartoons where they showed an
angel character on one shoulder and a devil character on the opposite shoulder
of the cartoon character. In the example the “angel” would be telling the
character not to do something wrong and the “devil” would be suggesting that
they do just the opposite. This is a perfect example of the “war” that is going
on in the mind of a child, where the parent, while thinking that they would be
representative of the “angel character” is actually represented by the “devil
character.” The “devil” is on the shoulder of the child comes in the constant broad
praise of an ever-present, doting parent. Which according the article by Mr.
Bronson the “liberal use of praise” and the child’s “shorter task, persistence,”
the yin-yang relationship that is developed between them is never recognized.
The child becomes dependent on the praise of the parent and the child’s low
esteem of self and low performance, gives the parent another opportunity to
offer liberal praise. On the opposite metaphorical shoulder stands the “angel”
that if activated as Ms Dweck suggests by “emphasizing effort gives a child a
variable that they can control,” this is self-esteem. I conclude with this from
2 Corinthians 11:14 “and no wonder, since Satan himself masquerades as an angel
of light,” While most parents believe themselves to be the “angel on the
shoulder” of their precious little children, the quicker they understand that
the “devil is in the details” it might just change how parents talk to their
children. Are you a parent that is a “guide
from the side” like an “angel” or the “sage from the stage” like a devil? Your
child’s performance and attitude will tell the tale.
Am I Right or is it my Writing? The Four Ways to Finding my Writing Powers.
One of the first things I
realized after completing the Jung Topology Test and
receiving the results ISTJ (Introvert – Sensing – Thinking
– Judging), I realized that the results were more accurate than not, and by looking more closely at each designation, it has
helped me find my writing power. The first way I found my
writing power was in the identifying letter ‘I’ for ‘Introvert.’ In the
work “Your Personality Type and Writing” for “Introversion and Writing,” I
agree that I “need time and solitude for concentration…” Whether at home or
school I have found locations and methods to “block out” the distractions so
that I can focus on what I am writing. One of the strengths mentioned in the
section speaks to my “needing distance from” my “audience to gain a perspective
for whom” I “am writing.” I have always
liked the “helicopter view” of things. My only disagreement with this first
designation is that I am an extrovert in personality but as I normally tell
those that meet me, I am an introverted – extrovert in life and in writing.
This leads us to the second letter designation ‘S’ or ‘Sensing.’ I have
always felt that there is power in the details. When I write I recognize that
the more data or information I am presented with, the more clearly I feel that
I can be in the communication I am being asked to present. I use the statement:
“facts in – facts out.” While I disagree with the suggestion that due to this designation,
I “have difficulty deciding what to include in the paper.” 
I have to agree that
I sometimes “fail to notice content weaknesses” due to the speed in which I
would put the writing to paper. The third designation letter ‘T’ or ‘Thinking’
is spot on. I thrive in being well organized and when I have a predetermined
action plan for writing I definitely agree that “if the structure dictates the
inclusion of material, it is included. If not, it is excluded.” I will often
cross out entire sentences and not include them in my final submission when I
feel they do not fit the original requested structure. Being very logical and
analytical in my methodology such as having all my papers in a single stack,
writing devices in one place and books to be used all stacked neatly, this
process helps me to stay organized and write in an organized manner. The last and
final “temperament test” designation is the letter ‘J’ or ‘Judging.’
This area seems to be my blessing and my curse. Although brevity in speaking
can help to get a point across quickly so that life can continue on, when it
comes to writing it can be a detriment to the reader. Here is an example, the “content
weakness” and “being well organized” as mentioned above are both results of the
‘Judging’ designation. It is true that when I write a paper I begin writing in
my head long before I grab a pencil and paper and then proceed to write down my
thoughts (judgments) about the subject matter as if it was an well planned out
process that was taken to produce it. This process can leave the reader without
some very important information. However not all is lost as it is suggested
that this ‘Judging’ also carries the benefit of being able to “write quickly”
and “meet deadlines.” When writing a paper with a writing “temperament” such as
this, while I might feel that I am “right” in what I am writing, I know that I
can gain much more writing power by enhancing the strengths of each temperament
trait and work to eliminate the weaknesses and this can only be done through my being adaptable as it relates those four areas. God, Goals and Extra Grit: How I turned tragedy into the triumph by finding EXTRA Grit.
Everyone has grit and this is how I found that extra grit. At the recommendation of my Prep For College Writing instructor, Professor Amanda Murphy, I watched Angela Lee Duckworth's TedTalk presentation on Grit. This video and the assignment connected to it, inspired in me the desire to share something with you about my life. I never thought to call what I had and what I would learn, Grit, but Ms. Duckworth gave a name to something intangible. The one thing you have to understand as we begin is that at 44 years of age, I
was fortunate enough to marry the woman of my dreams. After several failed
relationship choices, I had arrived at the conclusion that Love was not
something the world needed. From being married at 21 to divorced at 26 and back
to married again at 29 and that relationship lasting 7 years I knew it was time
to do some self-reflection and repair of my love meter. Deep down inside I knew
that my thinking was not only false about love, it was erroneous because it
took grit to recognize the woman that would prove me wrong. Her name was Tonja
and my journey to extra grit had begun. Both of us having been born to and
growing up under very unusual family dynamics, and along with strongly faith
based home environments we were both taught to not only believe in God, but to
also have faith that you can always make it through any challenge.
After meeting Tonja, we started with the challenge of the physical distance
between us, which was something we knew we would have to overcome. During our
courtship, Tonja and I made plans to move from California to another state. Where
you ask? We did not know at the time, however, by the time we were married she
was living in San Francisco and I was in Bakersfield. Now if you are unfamiliar
with the unique geography of California, those two cities are roughly 280 miles
apart. While living in separate cities, there were times when we could not see
one another for weeks. It took every ounce of grit we had to not only stick
though the “connected loneliness” but I also found that this distance unknown
to me at the time, would be like the seeds to the grit I would need in the very
near future.
My final challenge and the full manifestation of the extra
grit would come very soon. After settling on Phoenix as our home city. I moved
first and found a great place in Central Phoenix.
Happy Ever After
Peace,
There is an age old tale that has been told and retold for a multitude of years, the story of a damsel in distress (princess/pauper) and a “prince charming” that ultimately comes along and “rescues” said damsel and they live Happily Ever After.
As I thought on this today I wondered why this story has been told so many times, made into movies and plays and so thoroughly infused into societies all around the world. Is there some coded message in the tale? Maybe some secret governments plot to take over all relationships?!
As I thought deeper and more serious about this I began to wonder why the female character is often referred to as a “damsel in distress” and why nearly one hundred percent of the time the male character is a “prince charming”.
I thus have decided since I have learned many great things from one of the books I am currently studying called “The Power Of Words – Unlock Your Ability To Learn And Do Anything” by Reverand Alfreddie Johnson and Minister Tony Muhammad with Sean Clouden, that it does my studies good when I “clear” words that I am not completely sure of the meaning. So I have decided to clear the following words: Damsel, Distress, Prince, Charming, Happily, Ever and After in hopes that we can all gain a deeper understanding of what might be hidden in these tales about male / female relationships.
Damsel: 1. A young unmarried lady or woman (now used by poets).
“I saw the fair damsel as I dithered off to school.”
“As the damsel awaited my proposal she felt her heart flutter.”
In: 1. Of position or location. 5. Defining the particular part of anything in which it is affected.
“I was stuck in class today.”
“My keys were in my pocket the entire time.”
Distress: verb 1.To subject to severe strain or pressure; now exp. To afflict or exhaust.
“I was in distress over the pop quiz the teacher gave us.”
“The radiator was under extreme distress due to the thermostat being broken.”
So it can be safely said from the definitions given that a “Damsel In Distress” is: An unmarried woman affected by severe strain, pressure or exhaustion. Many women exclaim that they are “tired of being alone…” and many ask “where are all the “good men at…”. These women are clearly exhausted and under the pressure of being unmarried and alone.
Now since we are here lets define a few extra words:
Married: ppl. a. (is the participial adjective of the verb Marry) 1. United in wedlock.
Marry: verb 1. To join in wedlock; to constitute as a man and wife according to the laws and customs of a nation.
Now let us examine the word Prince.
Prince: 3. One who or that which is first or pre-eminent in a specified class or sphere; the chief, the greatest.
“The young man was a prince among all the men in his neighborhood when it came to academics.
Charming: (the verbal substantive of the verb) Charm: (used figuratively) 2. That which fascinates or attracts, exciting love and admiration.
So if a man is called a “Prince Charming” then he could be considered: One who is pre-eminent and the greatest in his ability to attract exciting love and admiration.
Happily: (adverb) 2. With or by good fortune; luckily, successfully.
Happy: 2. Having good hap or fortune; lucky, fortunate; favored by circumstance.
Hap: (archaic) 1. Chance or fortune (good or bad); luck, lot.
“With zeal he happily picked up his new found fortune.”
“She was happy that the teacher chose her to receive the prize.”
Ever: (adverb) 1. Always, at all times; in all cases.
“Allah (God) lives ever more.”
“Diamonds will ever be considered “bling” in the community.”
After: (prep) 2: Following in time, in succession to; after the interval of; subsequent to and later than; subsequent to and in consequence of.
So let me wrap this up and try to keep it to just two pages by saying this:
The next time there is an unmarried woman in distress, afflicted by loneliness and the lack of a husband, she just might be looking for a first class man that fascinates her and attracts her love and admiration and when these two join together they can be favored to live successfully at all times as a consequence of them meeting one another.
The Language of Love
Many “walk-the-walk” but statistics show that nearly 50% that are walking in marriage don’t actually know how to “talk-the-talk”.
I recently purchased the New York Times Bestseller book entitled: “The Five Love Languages – How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman. This purchase came as the result of several conversations I recently had with a very dear friend of mine who mentioned the book.
After reading the book from the front cover to the back cover I must say that I know why it is on the “Bestsellers List”. The book is not only well written but it is practical. The “fly on the wall” method of communicating the “Love Languages” that Mr. Chapman uses though storytelling of real situations and conversations helps the reader to understand the concepts presented in a manner that is easy to digest.
Mr. Chapman opens the book with 3 “foundational” chapters such as:
1 – What Happens to Love After the Wedding?
2 – Keeping the Love Tank Full
3 – Falling in Love.
These chapters help to set the stage for the actual “Love Languages”. I especially enjoyed Chapter 3 in which Chapman dissects and dispels the common misconception found during the “In Love” experience which psychologists M. Scott Peck and Dorothy Tennov calls “limerance” which could be defined as highly advanced stages of infatuation.
This book is a must read for everyone no matter if you are married or single. For the married even if you feel that your relationship with your spouse is “great” and that you “get along fine”, there is so much more we can learn from this book that might help in zeroing in on your spouse’s specific love language and better help us to identify and communicate our own love language as well. Now for the single person, using this book as a companion to other books on relationships and personal development will help to give you a good foundation and head start in any future relationships. I would recommend having any potential mates read the book as well and you both use the book as a basis to build better communications going forward.
Anyone with a sincere heart and a willingness to see another person happy with their “Love Tank” filled to the brim and running over would be wise to get this book today, read it, study it and immediately apply the principles found within after identifying the language of your spouse and yourself.
The Languages are:
1. Words Of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts Of Service
5. Physical Touch
Once you are done reading the book there is a “Love Language Profile” test you can take to determine your language (one for men and one for women). And while some of the questions do assume that the reader is already married, if you are honest and single you will get true results.
So you ask: “Rodney what is your Love Language?” Well I was brutally honest in my responses and survey says (DING!) Quality Time and Physical Touch.
So at least now I have something else of substance I can talk about with any potential mates regarding those things that will definitely help to keep my “Love Tank” full, full, full as a matter of fact if she can keep that coming along with honesty, self improvement and spiritual studies I can tell you that my “Cup Will Runneth OVER!” and that’s the truth.
So go ahead and get the book now and get busy learning a new language…it might just change your love life.
The Heart of the Five Love Languages
Is that what friends are for?
Over the last 40 plus years I have had many experiences all of which assisted me in forming the beliefs, opinions and prejudices I have. These experiences have also assisted me in crafting my understanding of the words FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP.
The Oxford Universal Dictionary defines FRIEND as coming from the Old Teutonic word frijojan meaning to love or ‘One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy’. And FRIENDSHIP is defined as: The state of being a friend; association of persons as friends; a friendly intimacy.
I have come to realize that the vast majority of the people in my life are not actually my friends but are simply associates, acquaintances or just simply needy people. Many years ago one experience in particular helped me to understand something about friends and friendship in general. I had known the person on the other end of this learning experience for about 6 or 7 years at the time and I considered them a friend. Over the years we talked, ate, traveled, struggled and worked together with very minimal challenges. I would even occasionally take this persons car to get it washed and even buy them a meal when buying my own meal on those days we would be working with our team late into the evenings because I thought that is what friends were for.
Well I will spare you all of the minute details of the situation that occurred and tell you that it ultimately resulted in this person manipulating a situation to get money from me. During the “mediation” or more like “negotiations” because I was unwilling to just “pay up” the conversations became very intense and from my perspective I felt that the way this person was seeking to get money from me had not only crossed the line (because I was present when another plan to get money was being hatched) but was a violation of what I thought friends do, besides after all of the rides to work I had given this person, free computer assistance, car washes and meals purchased this is how you treat me? In this meeting I began to make it clear that I was unwilling to budge just on the principle of how friends should treat one another and then the “mediator” asked me a very powerful and thought provoking question…he said: “Rodney so are you telling me that you wouldn’t do the same to him?” and I replied “no sir!” and then the “mediator” said: “Well just because that’s the kind of brother [friend] you are, does not mean that’s how someone else has to be .” Simply POWERFUL! That statement or better yet wisdom immediately caught my attention and I had to submit. He was right! Just because my way of being a “friend” or my understanding of how “friends” treat and respond to one another is absolutely that…my way and no one else is compelled to accept or adopt my way. But was this love? Was this “One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy”? I would say not.
That situation not only helped to change my understanding of what a “friend” is it also assisted me in reevaluating the people in my life as well as the role they play. Most of these people have been downgraded to associates, some I no longer have a relationship with and a very small group I would even consider a “friend”.
John 15:12-13 “This is my commandment, That you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
If we are unable to lay down, pride, ego, envy, distrust, malice, hatred of self, fear and all other disempowered behavior and attitudes how can we be called a “friend” and say that we are willing to lay down our lives?
“Friends” do not intentionally deceive or bring harm to another. “Friends” do not manipulate and control one another. “Friends” do not call only when they “need your help” nor do they “just check in on you “when something is wrong in their life and they want to dump it on you.
Face the facts they are not your “friend” if you are keeping them around then they are most likely your “crutch”, “feel better about yourself person” or “abuser”. And if you cannot or are unwilling to change the relationships you have with these kinds of persons (not to mention if you are this person yourself) then the chaos in your life will continue as it has for as long as you have known this person or persons.
You see, two people joined together in mutual benevolence and intimacy is what friends are for!
Now go use somebody else and let me be…I need to make room in my life for “Friends”.
What about you?
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And Two Shall Become...
Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The dictionary defines cleave as a verb:
1. to adhere closely, stick; cling.
2. to remain faithful; to cleave to one's principles in spite of persecution.
Do most women really want a man to cleave? Really! Are most women ready to respond in a proper manner if and when a man leaves father and mother and adheres closely to and remains faithful to principles in spite of persecution even if the persecution is coming from her? Do women really want a man to cleave?
Are many men ready to cleave? Are they willing to give up even mother and father and grab hold of a principled mission to become one flesh with his woman?
I believe that in order to form a more perfect union of two people they both must be in the businesses of cleaving! Working together, striving together and planning together to accomplish goals and objectives for their family, community and world. If you want to see relationship success...then fellas don't call your boy cleon and ladies don't grab a cleaver...you both need to just cleave a little.
Now go and apologize to your significant other self for trying to be an individual when you know darn well that ain't working for you and you need to take a cleave pill. The only side effects are success, love, joy, accomplishment and unity...and don't forget the nightly cleaving meetings. LOL
No Go and Be ONE!
Maintenance Man
In the Chapter called The Woman in the Quran it is stated that: "Men are the maintainers of women...as God has caused some to have more responsibility than others..." However what is maintenance and why would she even need maintenance?
The Dictionary defines Mantainers as:
1. To keep in continuance, preserve, retain.
2. To keep in appropriate condition.
3. To sustain or support.
Maintenance! How many males are actually MEN and maintaining the woman? Are you preserving her high state? Do you keep her in appropriate condition. Have you sustained and supported her. One of my mentors Minister Farrakhan said one day that Elijah Muhammad said to him personally that "A man doesn't give a woman a baby and then send her off to work..." Maintenance. If Christ is the Head of the man and man is the head of the woman and family then you would know that by his level of maintenance of said woman.
Now if you have a man that is a maintainer then sisters you have a duty to that kind of man. He does not deserve argument, resistance, nagging, mean spirits or anything unkind...if he is actually a maintainer. You have a duty to that kind of man to help him to meet the goal of maintaining you...keeping you in a high and lofty state. You can have all that your heart desires if you simply realize that when you as a woman can use your womanly power for good to get that man to want to darn near kill himself to provide for you. And you make home such heaven that he would be willing to conquer worlds and nations just for you.
If men are the maintainers of women then women have a duty to respond accordingly to give payment to the Maintenance Man.
Be and it is!
The Power of Now!
Greetings,
I'm live in Anaheim, California watching a fellow trainer and friend Jeff Compton of www.JeffCompton.tv train about 75 people on How to Supervise People.
While watching the awesome presentation from Jeff a thought came to mind about the Power of Now! Now I know things like this are fast becoming a cliche but really think about NOW! Now is all we have, Now is all we need, Now is all there is!
NOW! What are you doing now? Reading this blog obviously...but once you are done what will you be doing with your coming NOW? How are you treating your Now's? Are they filled with hurt, anger, animosity, pain or any other dis-empowering emotion? Are your Now's happy, excited, love filled and joyous? How are you doing your Now?
Here is a challenge:
I want you to make every NOW you have count by doing those things you always wanted to do. No more procrastination, no more debating and researching, DO IT NOW! You have everything inside you that you need to get the job done including the ability to ask questions about the things you don't know.
Get your Now's out and dust them off and get busy because a wide open field awaits the wide awake person to work out in...NOW!
Thank you for reading and share it with a friend NOW!
Minister Rodney 'Asaad' Muhammad
The F.A.S.T. Track to Success
(Prospecting for Pro’s)
Find – Access – Show – Test
Did you know that there is no such thing as getting rich quick and that there is no magic wand or short cuts to success? You absolutely have to follow a specific plan of action if you want to increase your success ratio. The principles I am going to share with you were developed out of countless hours of study of some of the most successful Direct Sales and Network Marketers in the world and I’ve condensed the information into a simple yet powerful system called the F.A.S.T. Track to Success – Prospecting for Pro’s.
Do not think that because there are not hundreds of pages the information is not powerful. I have chosen to not waste your time by using unnecessary words and fluff just to impress. In addition, I expect you to think long and hard on the four principles I am going to reveal to you and take your studies of this material very serious.
Now if you are reading this article then you have obviously gotten a copy of my audio program Meet The Goal – Strategies for Self-Improvement. Moreover, if you do not have a copy then you should immediately go to www.MeetTheGoal.com and pick up a copy for yourself as well as everyone in your sales team or down-line. My purpose in revealing this system and creating this document was to serve as a special bonus just for those courageous enough to see the value in learning strategies to assist them in being more courageous in an effort to meet their life goals. Now without further delay lets get on the F.A.S.T. Track to Success.
What would life be like if each person in your sales force or down-line were successful? I mean all the numbers are up stat and they bring in new business daily. The bonus checks are rolling in faster than you can deposit them and everyone is showing up for the training calls. Well your organization might not be operating at that high a level but it can. You know that you are in the business of people and everything you do rests on how you interact with people. However, where do the kinds of people I mentioned earlier come from and how would you recognize them if you saw them?
FIND
You must first Find the proper candidate to join your business or purchase your product. Now there is something to be said for reaching out to large numbers of people, however I want you to develop the tools necessary to see a good prospect long before you actually approach them. I call this technique, “Prospervation” where you learn to observe the prospect long before contact. A common mistake among unsuccessful sales persons and network marketers is being self-absorbed to the point of mental blindness. Prospecting is not about you and how many people you can “get”, it is about the prospect and how you have what they need. At the very point in your journey that you become comfortable with who you are and where you are in life, always knowing that there is more, yet operating in a perpetual state of gratitude you will have reached a condition of “flow” or what some would call: “Being in the zone.” Once you achieve this state you will notice the difference in the way others stand, walk, the motions they make and how to determine if they are in a proper place in life to receive what you have to give them.
Prospervation: The science of observing the prospect before contact.
Begin to spend more quiet time just people watching. Try going to the park or the mall, just sitting, and watching the movements of the people. This exercise will allow you to practice without the pressure that some feel while prospecting. Just sit back and watch the people. Begin to notice the difference between the confident and the timid. Now to do this you must be in a heightened state of “Empowered Awareness”. You must, become fully connected to all of your sensory awareness (sight, sound, smell, taste, and feeling). Now if you begin to create a sense of moving twice as fast as everyone else you will begin to notice their movements will begin to slow down.
Now start to notice a few of the external clues that people give to the internal dialog that they have. Watch for movement in the jaw area of the face and attempt to notice the person mouthing words. Watch for movement of the head as well. If you can, notice the breathing as well as the posture. These things will serve as clues to each person’s internal state. This is something you must practice often in order to develop proficiency at it. Getting into a heightened state, cutting off your own internal dialog and truly observing…will yield the results you seek.
You are looking to find and identify those persons that are leaders, big thinkers and those that feel they deserve to have it all. You can spot them easily if you use the strategies I have just given you. Now that you have found a great prospect by using the “Prospervation” technique and since I know that you have taken the time to create a great opening when approaching people, it is time to act.
ACCESS
Once you have completed the steps for your particular company, whether it is showing the products and the compensation plan, or even having home meetings or telephone talks. You must now begin to Access the persons particular abilities. Now in the area of direct sales and network marketing the skills or training that the individual brings to the industry is of very little value. The actual skill that you are required to access is the person’s ability to follow directions. When I got started in network marketing my mentor and sponsor asked me to perform a simple task: To get equipment that would enable me to record our phone conversations. He explained to me that doing so would enable me to listen to the training calls as often as I needed and allow me to critique myself when cold calling, which would ultimately lead to faster growth. He also gave me a time and day to give him a call and informed me that we would talk further then. Well, I found the equipment I needed (which was very inexpensive) and called him as scheduled. Now the very first sentence that he spoke was in the form of a question: “Did you get the equipment so you could record our conversations?” Absolutely I replied. He then informed me that a large majority of the people he connects with fails that simple test.
The purpose of his requesting I perform that task was two fold.
1. There is a definite need to record training calls as well as prospecting calls. This will enable you to not only hear yourself, but also give your sponsor the ability to hear you as well and assist you with developing strategies that might make your phone prospecting more successful.
2. It was a simple test in following directions. Network marketing and direct sales have very little to do with what you think and a lot to do with what is best to do. If you can accurately follow the directions of those who have achieved even the smallest commission check and you are just getting started…it should be obvious that if you would like to see commission checks in your mailbox or account, you would be wise to know that you just might not know what you think you know.
So learn to access the ability of the prospect to follow basic instructions to full completion. Any sign of resistance calls for a different method of training and will serve to lengthen the time it takes for the individual to “get it”. If you have found someone that is eager to learn and mentally submissive enough to follow basic pre-prospecting instructions then you just might have a leader on your hands.
SHOW
Once you have determined that you have a potential leader on your team, it is now time to show them the business. This is often called, leading by example. You should do three way calls with your new people and for those that are in your area, you should occasionally get together and do off the cuff and spontaneous connecting with people you meet.
The importance of showing the new person what can be done is not to produce clones but to generate a familiarity of flow for them. If you are reading this, you are someone that knows the value of flowing in this industry. Networking is something we live and prospecting is something we do. You are showing the person that every moment of everyday we are networking or connecting with people and that the process of sifting and sorting people is the actual act of prospecting.
Showing the new person the empowered idea of what “no” actually means. Most of the new net-workers (and some old ones) cringe at the thought of being told, “no” by someone. You must get across with a spirit of excitement that “no” simply means yes. Yes, I am not a leader…Yes, I want to remain a cow on the pasture…Yes, and I would quit before I got started. If properly trained in the art of prospecting which simply is a matter of “Self Mastery”, the more qualified “no’s” you get the larger your business will grow. Yes that is correct the more qualified “no’s” you get the larger your business will grow. Many of us focus on the wonders of the “yes” and they definitely count, however it took the qualified “no’s” to get to the “yes”.
The new net-worker must see the value in the process. Find joy in the adventure. Your energy and excitement about the business will rub off on many in your group. If you consider yourself a leader, which I know, you are, and then show them the way and if they follow then good for them and if they do not, your efforts alone will guarantee a healthy list of replacements. Work cheerfully and fear not.
TEST
Now that you’ve got the new net-worker or sales rep. to the starting gate, it’s time for them to run a few laps of they’re own. In the early “critical stages of business building, it is suggested that you pay close attention to the movements of the new person. Do not simply leave them to fumble along without your guidance. Now I suggest you set a limit to the amount of time that you are directly in contact with them. This will only serve to make them needy and dependant upon you. It is advised that you “place” the new person under one of your qualified leaders for further development.
Your contact with the person should have given you an excellent view into what behavioral style that most dominates with them. Now if you are not familiar with understanding how to identify and interact with different types of people. Then I strongly suggest you immediately get yourself a copy of “The Magic of Colors” from my long time friend Jerry “DRhino” Clark over at www.ClubRhino.com I’m certain that “The Magic of Colors” if put into practice by you will enhance all of your communications with others. It has done wonders for my life and has even assisted in generating additional income from its direct use. Now once you have learned about the behavioral styles as presented by DRhino you will have insight as to which person to place with the correct leader. I cannot stress the importance of the proper mixture of people to keep your team, group or organization moving in the proper direction. Just as with food, the improper combining of people can bring a stomachache to remember.
Here are some testing tips that you can use. I do recommend that you develop additional testing measures so that you can properly direct the people that have trusted your ability to lead them. Remember you prospected them and just like any precious jewel, they have a healthy expectation to be cut, buffed and put on display.
• The ability to meet and call at predetermined times absent of excuses for failure to do so.
• The consistency of follow through. (Once tasks are assigned you do not have to contact them for the results…they contact you)
• Show a willingness to learn more about themselves as well as the business (includes the company, products and compensation plan).
Now these are just a few areas to check and I think you get the point. There must be systems in place if you expect to progress in your business and grow your organization and it’s effectiveness in the marketplace. I am sure that you have taken plenty of tests in your life thus far. It is a vital component to accessing a person’s ability to perform certain tasks at a particular level. Remember through each process that you are qualifying the person to work with you and your group and there are some, which will not qualify for advanced leadership training and development. Some are the people that will become distributors and some will be customers. However, no matter what level they successfully test at they are valuable to the process of creating a great organization.
Lastly, if you do not have “Educating Your Expectations” by Artemis Limpert of www.PaidMyDues.net you should get that series. This audio program alone will shave years off your learning curve of this industry and better assist you in communicating to those in your down-line what the process is actually about. Artemis takes you step by step through her own journey and exposes many misconceptions you might have about yourself and the industry…if you think you know, you might not know so log on to PaidMyDues.net and Educate Your Expectations.
I encourage you to send me an email letting me know what you like and even what you might disagree with about the process I have shared with you. Email me at Asaad@MeetTheGoal.com and be sure to stay updated on where I will be speaking, new and exciting projects being released or just drop me a line and let me know how I can better serve you in the future.
Always remember that no matter what else you do in life you must…Cultivate the Courage to Roar!
Asaad
The 1st Thursday Night Call to Courage
Greetings,
Tonight I hosted the very first "Thursday Night Call to Courage" and it seemed to be a success. I was fortunate enough to have some great listeners on the line. And I got a lot of wonderful feedback.
If you didn't get a chance to listen in live you know I'm going to hook you up with information on the replay. Now I'm only going to leave the replay up for 2 days to give everyone an opportunity to listen to the call and after that it will be taken down. Now if you are not a member of my "Courage Committee" you should log on to my web site at www.MeetTheGoal.com and sign up.
The Free Replay Line is (218) 936-1005 and the conference ID is 73543#
For information on the next call sign up to be a member of the "Courage Committee" or log on to www.MeetTheGoal.com/calltocourage.htm for all the information. Next week I will be the debut of a great new training program I have developed called..."Vision Training" and I'm sure you will enjoy it. Don't miss this call!
I thank you for reading this blog and for all of your support.
Always remember to...Cultivate the Courage to Roar!
Rodney ' Asaad' Muhammad
"The Courage Coach"
Toastmasters to go...
Greetings,
I have finally joined Toastmasters International. Club #3828 Eclectic Dialectics...I great bunch of folks from various backgrounds and nationalities.
Now before I had chosen a club to become a member of I had decided that I would become the Toastmaster World Champion of Public Speaking for 2007. And soon thereafter become a recipient of a "Golden Gavel".
Jan 11, 2006 - Now my first meeting was great, I had the opportunity to meet a lot of great and interesting people some of which I'm sure I will work with in the future on many great projects. I had the old enrollment form so I was unable to sign up so I had to do it the next Wednesday.
Jan 18, 2006 - My second meeting was interesting as I was called up to do a "Table Topic" talk. Well I did my thing and was honored to win the ribbon for "Best Table Topic". Wow! My first award and I hadn't even turned in my form yet. This is the start of a wonderful journey. At the end of the evening I turned in my form and soon received confirmation of its acceptance.
Jan 25, 2006 - This is my first official meeting as a member and there is an opening for Speaker #1 and a great member by the name of Suguru asked me if I would be willing to fill the spot although I was scheduled to speak next week. I said sure! Since I had not gotten my manual from Toastmasters International I was given a book to look at for the first assignment. I looked it over for about 10 minutes to get a general idea of what was needed then put it aside and pulled out my tools. I figured after countless impromptu trainings and Boot Camps from Jerry 'DRhino' Clark and $1000 all day trainings with Les Brown along with unknown hours of self-study over the years and completed lectures I surely was ready.
I delivered what some called a "great" 6-minute presentation on "Breaking the Ice". I opened with a quote from Alonzo Newton Binn - "Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it, are the requisites for success." I was up against Gilbert who is a great humorist speaker and Stuart who is developing the gift of great storytelling. I was first so I had to make it memorable enough to last through 2 additional speeches and about 20 minutes of time before the other members were asked to vote...
Drum roll please..........
I was honored that evening to win the ribbon for "Best Speaker" for that evenings meeting.
My journey through Toastmasters will my winning speech for the 2007 Toastmaster World Champion of Public Speaking event held at the National Meeting.
Stay tuned...the best is yet to be revealed.
"Some pursue happiness, others create It." -Unknown
Rodney 'Asaad' Muhammad
Cultivate the Courage to Roar!
P.S. Due to popular demand I will be starting weekly "Thursday Night Call to Courage" telephone talks. Go to www.MeetTheGoal.com and sign up for the bi-weekly ezine and to be notified of the calls when they start. I have many special guests I will bring on for your benefit.
