Angel On The Shoulder And The Devil In The Details

Popeye Opening Can of Spinach

Based on my life experience I have come I believe that the encouragement children need is inspiration. I recently watched a video on YouTube titled “Ashley Merryman & Po Bronson: The Myth of Praise” and it brought to mind memories from my own upbringing. Reared by a single parent, my always-working mother had no time to sit around and clap for me every time I did something. When I think about it, she did just the opposite; she expected me to perform at a high level and was critical of me performing at any level less than optimum. While in preschool, I enjoyed watching the cartoon ‘Popeye the Sailor Man’ and begged my mother for a can of spinach so that I could open the can like Popeye did. After receiving the can, I began to squeeze with all my little might as my mother gleefully watched. Although I was unable to open the can using brute strength, my mother handed me a can opener after my fourth attempt. After opening the can with the can opener, my mother remarked, “see you have it open now” and this was the “right kind of praise” that strengthened my self-esteem.  After watching the video, I read an article “How Not to Talk to Your Kids” [Po Bronson Published Aug 3, 2007], which led me to do a little research on some of the key words, used in the article and this statement specifically caught my attention; “…gifted students severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with the lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves.” Praise according to the [The Oxford Universal Dictionary on Historical Principles – With Corrections and Revised Addenda, 1955] is defined as “The action or fact of praising; commendation of the worth or excellence of a person or thing; from the Latin: Preciare, earlier pretiare to price, value, prize.” Praise in my opinion is the placing of value in oneself and abilities. Another life moment when I needed to tap into the ‘praise within’ happened while I was learning Tae-Kwon Do Martial Arts. During testing to receive the next belt rank, there is a section when the student must spar (fight another student or teacher.) This is designed to show in actuality the things previously learned. Going into this sparring match knowing that I had never lost a fight my confidence was high. After names were drawn, I ended up sparring with one of my school friends that trained with me daily. During the match, my friend’s right foot caught the side of my face and knocked me to the ground. As I laid there on the verge of unconsciousness, my head instructor began yelling to me to “get up,” “get up and keep fighting!” Here is where I tell you that if you haven’t read my blog on Grit then you definitely deserve to read that now, because I needed grit to get up but I also needed inspiration to keep fighting. Not only was I fighting my friend, but I was also fighting against unconsciousness and pain.

Homer Simpson in Conflict

I conclude with this, some of you reading this might remember older cartoons where they showed an angel character on one shoulder and a devil character on the opposite shoulder of the cartoon character. In the example the “angel” would be telling the character not to do something wrong and the “devil” would be suggesting that they do just the opposite. This is a perfect example of the “war” that is going on in the mind of a child, where the parent, while thinking that they would be representative of the “angel character” is actually represented by the “devil character.” The “devil” is on the shoulder of the child comes in the constant broad praise of an ever-present, doting parent. Which according the article by Mr. Bronson the “liberal use of praise” and the child’s “shorter task, persistence,” the yin-yang relationship that is developed between them is never recognized. The child becomes dependent on the praise of the parent and the child’s low esteem of self and low performance, gives the parent another opportunity to offer liberal praise. On the opposite metaphorical shoulder stands the “angel” that if activated as Ms Dweck suggests by “emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” this is self-esteem. I conclude with this from 2 Corinthians 11:14 “and no wonder, since Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light,” While most parents believe themselves to be the “angel on the shoulder” of their precious little children, the quicker they understand that the “devil is in the details” it might just change how parents talk to their children.  Are you a parent that is a “guide from the side” like an “angel” or the “sage from the stage” like a devil? Your child’s performance and attitude will tell the tale.