God, Goals and Extra Grit: How I turned tragedy into the triumph by finding EXTRA Grit.

Everyone has grit and this is how I found that extra grit. At the recommendation of my Prep For College Writing instructor, Professor Amanda Murphy, I watched Angela Lee Duckworth's TedTalk presentation on Grit. This video and the assignment connected to it, inspired in me the desire to share something with you about my life. I never thought to call what I had and what I would learn, Grit, but Ms. Duckworth gave a name to something intangible. The one thing you have to understand as we begin is that at 44 years of age, I was fortunate enough to marry the woman of my dreams. After several failed relationship choices, I had arrived at the conclusion that Love was not something the world needed. From being married at 21 to divorced at 26 and back to married again at 29 and that relationship lasting 7 years I knew it was time to do some self-reflection and repair of my love meter. Deep down inside I knew that my thinking was not only false about love, it was erroneous because it took grit to recognize the woman that would prove me wrong. Her name was Tonja and my journey to extra grit had begun. Both of us having been born to and growing up under very unusual family dynamics, and along with strongly faith based home environments we were both taught to not only believe in God, but to also have faith that you can always make it through any challenge.

After meeting Tonja, we started with the challenge of the physical distance between us, which was something we knew we would have to overcome. During our courtship, Tonja and I made plans to move from California to another state. Where you ask? We did not know at the time, however, by the time we were married she was living in San Francisco and I was in Bakersfield. Now if you are unfamiliar with the unique geography of California, those two cities are roughly 280 miles apart. While living in separate cities, there were times when we could not see one another for weeks. It took every ounce of grit we had to not only stick though the “connected loneliness” but I also found that this distance unknown to me at the time, would be like the seeds to the grit I would need in the very near future.

My final challenge and the full manifestation of the extra grit would come very soon. After settling on Phoenix as our home city. I moved first and found a great place in Central Phoenix.

 Two months later, I would drive to San Francisco, load up the moving truck with my new bride and her things and begin the 750-mile journey to Phoenix. It took not only grit to make that drive but also a great deal of gas, yet we made it. Our wedded bliss would only last 9 months. Unexpectedly while I was away on business I received a call that Tonja had gotten sick from something she ate at a Native American Pow-Wow she attended just one day earlier. As I awaited to board an emergency flight back to Phoenix to be by her side in the hospital, I received the call that would allow me to locate grit I did not know I had. The caller on the phone said these words: “I’m sorry she didn’t make it…” As the tears streamed down my eyes and the blood drained from my face, I stood motionless in the Fresno Airport Terminal. I had to summon every grain of grit I had, every ounce of grit I developed in my life and I had to dig deep and locate that EXTRA GRIT sown when I really was not looking. This extra grit would be just what I needed to being the next phase of my journey leading up to my attendance at GlendaleCommunity College. What often looks like loss and despair could be the mining tools we need to locate grit we did not know we had. I was happy being married, doing a job that I loved and living in the home we shared.

Lastly, as we hiked up a Superstition Mountain's "Treasure Loop #56" the week before Tonja passed, she said to me, “Rodney, I want you to do more; I want you to go higher and help more people.” After I made my arguments as to why I didn’t feel I had it in me to do any more than I was already doing, One week later, God and Tonja would assist me in their own special way, by helping me find the grit I didn’t know I had. I must say, Thank You God for blessing me with Tonja.

Happy Ever After

Peace,

There is an age old tale that has been told and retold for a multitude of years, the story of a damsel in distress (princess/pauper) and a “prince charming” that ultimately comes along and “rescues” said damsel and they live Happily Ever After.

As I thought on this today I wondered why this story has been told so many times, made into movies and plays and so thoroughly infused into societies all around the world. Is there some coded message in the tale? Maybe some secret governments plot to take over all relationships?!

As I thought deeper and more serious about this I began to wonder why the female character is often referred to as a “damsel in distress” and why nearly one hundred percent of the time the male character is a “prince charming”.

I thus have decided since I have learned many great things from one of the books I am currently studying called “The Power Of Words – Unlock Your Ability To Learn And Do Anything” by Reverand Alfreddie Johnson and Minister Tony Muhammad with Sean Clouden, that it does my studies good when I “clear” words that I am not completely sure of the meaning. So I have decided to clear the following words: Damsel, Distress, Prince, Charming, Happily, Ever and After in hopes that we can all gain a deeper understanding of what might be hidden in these tales about male / female relationships.

Damsel: 1. A young unmarried lady or woman (now used by poets).

“I saw the fair damsel as I dithered off to school.”
“As the damsel awaited my proposal she felt her heart flutter.”

In: 1. Of position or location. 5. Defining the particular part of anything in which it is affected.

“I was stuck in class today.”
“My keys were in my pocket the entire time.”

Distress: verb 1.To subject to severe strain or pressure; now exp. To afflict or exhaust.

“I was in distress over the pop quiz the teacher gave us.”
“The radiator was under extreme distress due to the thermostat being broken.”

So it can be safely said from the definitions given that a “Damsel In Distress” is: An unmarried woman affected by severe strain, pressure or exhaustion. Many women exclaim that they are “tired of being alone…” and many ask “where are all the “good men at…”. These women are clearly exhausted and under the pressure of being unmarried and alone.

Now since we are here lets define a few extra words:

Married: ppl. a. (is the participial adjective of the verb Marry) 1. United in wedlock.

Marry: verb 1. To join in wedlock; to constitute as a man and wife according to the laws and customs of a nation.

Now let us examine the word Prince.

Prince: 3. One who or that which is first or pre-eminent in a specified class or sphere; the chief, the greatest.

“The young man was a prince among all the men in his neighborhood when it came to academics.

Charming: (the verbal substantive of the verb) Charm: (used figuratively) 2. That which fascinates or attracts, exciting love and admiration.

So if a man is called a “Prince Charming” then he could be considered: One who is pre-eminent and the greatest in his ability to attract exciting love and admiration.

Happily: (adverb) 2. With or by good fortune; luckily, successfully.

Happy: 2. Having good hap or fortune; lucky, fortunate; favored by circumstance.

Hap: (archaic) 1. Chance or fortune (good or bad); luck, lot.

“With zeal he happily picked up his new found fortune.”
“She was happy that the teacher chose her to receive the prize.”

Ever: (adverb) 1. Always, at all times; in all cases.

“Allah (God) lives ever more.”
“Diamonds will ever be considered “bling” in the community.”

After: (prep) 2: Following in time, in succession to; after the interval of; subsequent to and later than; subsequent to and in consequence of.

So let me wrap this up and try to keep it to just two pages by saying this:

The next time there is an unmarried woman in distress, afflicted by loneliness and the lack of a husband, she just might be looking for a first class man that fascinates her and attracts her love and admiration and when these two join together they can be favored to live successfully at all times as a consequence of them meeting one another.

And Two Shall Become...

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The dictionary defines cleave as a verb:

1. to adhere closely, stick; cling.
2. to remain faithful; to cleave to one's principles in spite of persecution.

Do most women really want a man to cleave? Really! Are most women ready to respond in a proper manner if and when a man leaves father and mother and adheres closely to and remains faithful to principles in spite of persecution even if the persecution is coming from her? Do women really want a man to cleave?

Are many men ready to cleave? Are they willing to give up even mother and father and grab hold of a principled mission to become one flesh with his woman?

I believe that in order to form a more perfect union of two people they both must be in the businesses of cleaving! Working together, striving together and planning together to accomplish goals and objectives for their family, community and world. If you want to see relationship success...then fellas don't call your boy cleon and ladies don't grab a cleaver...you both need to just cleave a little.

Now go and apologize to your significant other self for trying to be an individual when you know darn well that ain't working for you and you need to take a cleave pill. The only side effects are success, love, joy, accomplishment and unity...and don't forget the nightly cleaving meetings. LOL

No Go and Be ONE!