Going From Not Now to Not Yet to Now Achieved
“Yet” is an adverb that is defined as: ‘up until the present
or a specified or implied time; by now or then. An adverb is a word or phrase
that modifies or qualifies an adjective, verb, or other adverb or a word group,
expressing a relation of place, time, circumstance, manner, cause, degree,
etc. “Not” is an adverb defined as, “used with an auxiliary verb or “be” to
form the negative.” Therefore, “Not Yet” in a simplified form is “the opposite
of now.” There is a Bible verse in Hebrews 11:1 that states, “Now faith is the
substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” This is how I
have gone from “Not Now” to “Not Yet” to “Now Achieved.”
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| Jerry 'D-Rhino' Clark and I |
The first part of my journey begins with a “Not Now”
reality. In the year 1996, I accidentally and on purpose found myself working with
a major litigation support company in their Information Technology department
as a “Systems Support” technician. While I loved the service I performed, the director
of the department informed me, that I had reached the plateau of growth within
the department and no other raises or promotions were possible told the job as
a whole left me unfulfilled and me. As the years went by my desire to improve
myself caused me to seek resources in the form of books and audio programs that
would teach me new concepts and give me new ideas on how to live a fuller life.
This search led me to an old high school friend, Jerry “D-Rhino” Clark that in
December of 2000 was hosting what he called “The Self-Mastery Boot Camp” in
Dallas, Texas. Although I had not seen him in nearly 20 years this “boot camp” would
be the first of many workshops I would attend in my life. I sat and listened
attentively to every presenter that spoke. I took copious notes and seized the
opportunity to ask questions at every turn. One of the presenters by the name
of Artemis Limpert said something that would alter the course of my life when
she shared with those in attendance, “If you can’t go back then you must go
forward. And if you must go forward, failure is not an option. And if failure
is not an option, you will succeed.” That statement caused me to think that
everyone must meet his or her goals in life to be truly happy in life. This
thought caused me to quickly leave my seat and retreat to my hotel room where I
secured the internet domain name www.MeetTheGoal.com.
After the end of the day’s section of learning and development, while on the
way to dinner I said to my friend as we rode to the Olive Garden restaurant, “Jerry
one day I am going to speak at one of your boot camps!” After his laughter subsided
and he reminded me that “we hadn’t seen one another in 20 years” and that “people
pay a lot of money to speak at my boot camps, but hey you never know.” I
quietly sat thinking yes, not now but one day I will. In the video by CarolDweck called “The power of believing that you can improve” she said “…Not Yet,
you understand that you are on a learning curve, it gives you a path into the
future” and this thought serves as the foundation of my story.
The next part of my journey continues with a “Not Yet” moment.
Nearly one year after attending my first boot camp hosted by Jerry, he called
me and asked me would I be willing to speak at his upcoming boot camp and tell
the students about our lives prior to the success level he had reached. After agreeing,
I reminded him of the conversation we had a year earlier in the car ride to
dinner and he said “wow isn’t that fascinating how things work?” After my
presentation at the boot camp, Artemis Limpert
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| Artemis Limpert |
who had at that point become one
of my mentors approached me and said “Rodney you have something,
I don’t know what it is but you have a gift and you should seriously consider
teaching for a living…” I was blown away by her words because my Not Now had
turned into Not Yet because that event was my first time speaking publicly in
my life. It was time now for me to set a goal to become a paid motivational speaker
and trainer. While still working in Information Technology I began giving
unpaid talks to Boys and Girls Clubs, after school programs, graduations and
online interviews in my quest to reach the goal I had set before me. Mrs.
Limpert was right that I “had something” but I just didn’t know how I would
make the transition to full time speaking. One of the programs that I delivered
to Charles R. Drew University Saturday Science Academy was called 7-Steps to Grow a Child of Greatness and after completing the 7-part workshop, I realized
that I also needed a systematic plan to go from local presenter to global speaker.
Was I ready? Not Yet! Did I have a plan? Yes! |
| Mr. Motivator Les Brown and I |
Being a student is the first step to being a teacher. What
was once a Not Now moment, that lead to a Not Yet reality, soon would lead to a
Now Achieved situation. As I continued my journey to increase my abilities as a
speaker, I attended a speakers training workshop hosted by Mr. Les Brown. At
one of the break moments Mr. Brown spoke to me directly and asked me the
following question: “Rodney are you going to die with your gifts in you?” After
replying “no sir!” He then commanded me to “get out of that windowless office,
toiling away for money and go help some people.” He continued, “Someone is
waiting for you to show up. Someone’s entire life is hinging on you, showing
up.” This talk by Mr. Brown ultimately led to me resigning from Information
Technology as a worker and starting my own company teaching others how to use
the technology.
By having what Mrs. Dweck called a “growth mindset” over “a
fixed mindset” allowed me to see a possibility, set a goal to reach and perform
the necessary actions to achieve the goal. Yes Mrs. Dweck I agree that there is
“power” in “believing that” I “can improve.” My desire to overcome what the
director of I.T. said so many years ago that I had reached the “plateau of
growth within the department and no other raises or promotions were possible,”
I knew that if I wanted to go beyond his “fixed mindset” I would need
additional education and up to date skills. Two years ago I set an intention or
goal to “get off the road and go to school for Information Security.” In
January of 2017, I began my first classes toward achieving that goal. As I near
the conclusion of my first semester at Glendale Community College, I can tell
you that setting goals and actively engaging learning that gets you closer to
that goal is a formula that works. As I take the next steps toward what will ultimately
lead to a BS in Information Security from Arizona State University, I am
reminded that it all started with a Not Yet that led to a Not Now that
ultimately leads to a Now Achieved reality…if I just stay the course.
Protect Your Value(ables)
The values that are valuable
vary from person to person and must be protected. Values as a verb is defined as; “consider (someone
or something) to be important or beneficial; have a high opinion of.” And
valuable is defined as; “a thing that is of great worth, especially a small
item of personal property.” In the King James version of the Bible, in Luke
17:20-21 it states: “20 And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the
kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God
cometh not with observation: 21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there!
for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.”
There are three areas that I
value in life and they are interdependent when properly understood. The first
of these values is self-worth. After watching the video presentation by Robert
Waldinger titled “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study onhappiness” I realized that while the research was sound, I do not believe those doing
the study looked deep enough into why some of the participants where “happier”
than others. True happiness comes from within and while “good relationships
keep us happier” as suggested by Mr. Waldinger, those relationships and their
relative goodness is ultimately a personal choice. I have always valued my own
internal happiness and I realized very early in life that anytime I did not
feel happy or fulfilled, it was not my external world that needed changing it
was my internal thoughts. My oldest son when he was a teenager decided to do
some not so good things with his life. And while his choices had an effect on
me as his father due to my love for him, I quickly chose to love myself and own
my internal feelings instead of being influenced by the actions of my son.
Doing this immediately changed my feelings within and while I did love my son,
I chose to love me more, enabling me to love him in spite of his teenager antics. Which
leads to my second value and that of family. My spiritual father Minister Louis
Farrakhan once said “...nothing is more important and sacred than family...” When as an individual you decide to experience
happiness within by the choices you make that feeling of self-joy extends to
those around you. Based on Mr. Waldinger’s video presentation and the studies
done it can be extrapolated that those test subjects that were the happiest
chose to be that way and in spite of the normal challenges of life, the
external world did not alter their internal feelings of happiness. I do agree
with the study in that “good relationships keep us happier and healthier,
period!” In my life I found that when I had mutually beneficial relationships
with others, the quality of my internal happiness was enhanced. Knowing that
there are people directly connected to me that I can rely on and assist
provides what I call a “Relationship Energy Loop” like any good electrical
circuit, the energy flows in a circle giving light, life and power to all
connected. The final area I value is community. “Self-Improvement is the Basis
of Community Development” as the guided study system created by Minister Louis
Farrakhan states. Communities are made of individuals, individuals connected in
homes make up families, and families clustered in close geographic areas
comprise communities. Community is important toward nurturing strong families
and individuals as it provides the broader support system that keeps the
smaller units intact. Having friends that I started with in Preschool, knowing
their families and each parent knowing the parent(s) of those I called my
friends gave me a strong feeling of belonging. Never feeling like I was alone
no matter where
I was in my neighborhood because knowing that I could knock on
a door of my neighbor and get not only guidance as a child but also get food as
well was a definite community bonus. To be invited in to have lunch or dinner
with a family that was not of my immediate family shored up the feelings of belonging.
So being happy within self allows you to work effortlessly within your family
unit and gives you a greater chance at being invited over for lunch within your
community, and who couldn’t see the value in that?
I-Media-tly Get Social or Not
Social media is here and
who cares if you do not like it! Over the last 30-years, the digital landscape
in the world has jumped rapidly. Leaving many behind during the days of DOS and
PASCAL program languages, to dropping others off at the advent of the color
screen and QWERTY keyboard.
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| Matthew Lieberman |
Angel On The Shoulder And The Devil In The Details
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| Popeye Opening Can of Spinach |
Based
on my life experience I have come I believe that the encouragement children
need is inspiration. I recently watched a video on YouTube titled “Ashley Merryman & Po
Bronson: The Myth of Praise” and it brought to mind memories from my own
upbringing. Reared by a single parent, my always-working mother had no time to
sit around and clap for me every time I did something. When I think about it,
she did just the opposite; she expected me to perform at a high level and was
critical of me performing at any level less than optimum. While in preschool, I
enjoyed watching the cartoon ‘Popeye the Sailor Man’ and begged my mother for a
can of spinach so that I could open the can like Popeye did. After receiving
the can, I began to squeeze with all my little might as my mother gleefully
watched. Although I was unable to open the can using brute strength, my mother
handed me a can opener after my fourth attempt. After opening the can with the
can opener, my mother remarked, “see you have it open now” and this was the “right
kind of praise” that strengthened my self-esteem. After watching the video, I read an article “How Not to Talk to Your Kids”
[Po Bronson Published Aug 3, 2007], which led me to do a little research on
some of the key words, used in the article and this statement specifically
caught my attention; “…gifted students severely underestimate their own
abilities. Those afflicted with the lack of perceived competence adopt lower
standards for success and expect less of themselves.” Praise according to
the [The Oxford Universal Dictionary on Historical Principles – With
Corrections and Revised Addenda, 1955] is defined as “The action or fact of
praising; commendation of the worth or excellence of a person or thing; from
the Latin: Preciare, earlier pretiare to price, value, prize.” Praise in my
opinion is the placing of value in oneself and abilities. Another life moment
when I needed to tap into the ‘praise within’ happened while I was learning
Tae-Kwon Do Martial Arts. During testing to receive the next belt rank, there
is a section when the student must spar (fight another student or teacher.) This
is designed to show in actuality the things previously learned. Going into this
sparring match knowing that I had never lost a fight my confidence was high. After
names were drawn, I ended up sparring with one of my school friends that trained
with me daily. During the match, my friend’s right foot caught the side of my
face and knocked me to the ground. As I laid there on the verge of unconsciousness,
my head instructor began yelling to me to “get up,” “get up and keep fighting!”
Here is where I tell you that if you haven’t read my blog on Grit then you definitely deserve to read that now, because I needed grit to get up but
I also needed inspiration to keep fighting. Not only was I fighting my friend,
but I was also fighting against unconsciousness and pain.
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| Homer Simpson in Conflict |
I conclude with this,
some of you reading this might remember older cartoons where they showed an
angel character on one shoulder and a devil character on the opposite shoulder
of the cartoon character. In the example the “angel” would be telling the
character not to do something wrong and the “devil” would be suggesting that
they do just the opposite. This is a perfect example of the “war” that is going
on in the mind of a child, where the parent, while thinking that they would be
representative of the “angel character” is actually represented by the “devil
character.” The “devil” is on the shoulder of the child comes in the constant broad
praise of an ever-present, doting parent. Which according the article by Mr.
Bronson the “liberal use of praise” and the child’s “shorter task, persistence,”
the yin-yang relationship that is developed between them is never recognized.
The child becomes dependent on the praise of the parent and the child’s low
esteem of self and low performance, gives the parent another opportunity to
offer liberal praise. On the opposite metaphorical shoulder stands the “angel”
that if activated as Ms Dweck suggests by “emphasizing effort gives a child a
variable that they can control,” this is self-esteem. I conclude with this from
2 Corinthians 11:14 “and no wonder, since Satan himself masquerades as an angel
of light,” While most parents believe themselves to be the “angel on the
shoulder” of their precious little children, the quicker they understand that
the “devil is in the details” it might just change how parents talk to their
children. Are you a parent that is a “guide
from the side” like an “angel” or the “sage from the stage” like a devil? Your
child’s performance and attitude will tell the tale.
Am I Right or is it my Writing? The Four Ways to Finding my Writing Powers.
One of the first things I
realized after completing the Jung Topology Test and
receiving the results ISTJ (Introvert – Sensing – Thinking
– Judging), I realized that the results were more accurate than not, and by looking more closely at each designation, it has
helped me find my writing power. The first way I found my
writing power was in the identifying letter ‘I’ for ‘Introvert.’ In the
work “Your Personality Type and Writing” for “Introversion and Writing,” I
agree that I “need time and solitude for concentration…” Whether at home or
school I have found locations and methods to “block out” the distractions so
that I can focus on what I am writing. One of the strengths mentioned in the
section speaks to my “needing distance from” my “audience to gain a perspective
for whom” I “am writing.” I have always
liked the “helicopter view” of things. My only disagreement with this first
designation is that I am an extrovert in personality but as I normally tell
those that meet me, I am an introverted – extrovert in life and in writing.
This leads us to the second letter designation ‘S’ or ‘Sensing.’ I have
always felt that there is power in the details. When I write I recognize that
the more data or information I am presented with, the more clearly I feel that
I can be in the communication I am being asked to present. I use the statement:
“facts in – facts out.” While I disagree with the suggestion that due to this designation,
I “have difficulty deciding what to include in the paper.” 
I have to agree that
I sometimes “fail to notice content weaknesses” due to the speed in which I
would put the writing to paper. The third designation letter ‘T’ or ‘Thinking’
is spot on. I thrive in being well organized and when I have a predetermined
action plan for writing I definitely agree that “if the structure dictates the
inclusion of material, it is included. If not, it is excluded.” I will often
cross out entire sentences and not include them in my final submission when I
feel they do not fit the original requested structure. Being very logical and
analytical in my methodology such as having all my papers in a single stack,
writing devices in one place and books to be used all stacked neatly, this
process helps me to stay organized and write in an organized manner. The last and
final “temperament test” designation is the letter ‘J’ or ‘Judging.’
This area seems to be my blessing and my curse. Although brevity in speaking
can help to get a point across quickly so that life can continue on, when it
comes to writing it can be a detriment to the reader. Here is an example, the “content
weakness” and “being well organized” as mentioned above are both results of the
‘Judging’ designation. It is true that when I write a paper I begin writing in
my head long before I grab a pencil and paper and then proceed to write down my
thoughts (judgments) about the subject matter as if it was an well planned out
process that was taken to produce it. This process can leave the reader without
some very important information. However not all is lost as it is suggested
that this ‘Judging’ also carries the benefit of being able to “write quickly”
and “meet deadlines.” When writing a paper with a writing “temperament” such as
this, while I might feel that I am “right” in what I am writing, I know that I
can gain much more writing power by enhancing the strengths of each temperament
trait and work to eliminate the weaknesses and this can only be done through my being adaptable as it relates those four areas. God, Goals and Extra Grit: How I turned tragedy into the triumph by finding EXTRA Grit.
Everyone has grit and this is how I found that extra grit. At the recommendation of my Prep For College Writing instructor, Professor Amanda Murphy, I watched Angela Lee Duckworth's TedTalk presentation on Grit. This video and the assignment connected to it, inspired in me the desire to share something with you about my life. I never thought to call what I had and what I would learn, Grit, but Ms. Duckworth gave a name to something intangible. The one thing you have to understand as we begin is that at 44 years of age, I
was fortunate enough to marry the woman of my dreams. After several failed
relationship choices, I had arrived at the conclusion that Love was not
something the world needed. From being married at 21 to divorced at 26 and back
to married again at 29 and that relationship lasting 7 years I knew it was time
to do some self-reflection and repair of my love meter. Deep down inside I knew
that my thinking was not only false about love, it was erroneous because it
took grit to recognize the woman that would prove me wrong. Her name was Tonja
and my journey to extra grit had begun. Both of us having been born to and
growing up under very unusual family dynamics, and along with strongly faith
based home environments we were both taught to not only believe in God, but to
also have faith that you can always make it through any challenge.
After meeting Tonja, we started with the challenge of the physical distance
between us, which was something we knew we would have to overcome. During our
courtship, Tonja and I made plans to move from California to another state. Where
you ask? We did not know at the time, however, by the time we were married she
was living in San Francisco and I was in Bakersfield. Now if you are unfamiliar
with the unique geography of California, those two cities are roughly 280 miles
apart. While living in separate cities, there were times when we could not see
one another for weeks. It took every ounce of grit we had to not only stick
though the “connected loneliness” but I also found that this distance unknown
to me at the time, would be like the seeds to the grit I would need in the very
near future.
My final challenge and the full manifestation of the extra
grit would come very soon. After settling on Phoenix as our home city. I moved
first and found a great place in Central Phoenix.
